Deep Roots: The Practice of Dating

A Testimonial

2009-06-28T19:20:00.000-07:00

It's always nice to get another person's perspective on how we come across.

I'm now on Plenty of Fish.com, a free dating web site. The following is a testimonial from Joe, a new friend of mine from the site:

"D. is a fantastic lady: a true gem--fun, funny, and up for
adventure. She's got a great sense of humor and really is as
vibrant and alluring as her profile reveals. Grounded, deliciously
witty and smart . . . she's a catch, Gentlemen - make no mistake
about it. Cheers!"

Thanks, Joe! You ROCK!!! How nice is that for Joe to take the time to write about his experience in hanging out with me (some call it "dating"). A third party testimonial is a powerful sales technique. We're more likely to believe what someone else says versus the person themselves say. Like an outside authority confirming that what we're saying is true.

When we're authentic, people see the best in us. When we allow our guard to drop, be completely who we are, we have fun and it seems to be very attractive!

So how can you allow your guard to drop? Where can you allow people to see the real you, the true you? Allow them to see your passion, your enthusiasm, your love of life.

Jason Mraz -I'm Yours (live)

2009-06-10T07:57:00.001-07:00

What a great, fun, romantic song! With it's island feel you can't help but move when you listen to it. Love the guy on djembe/percussion/backup vocals!

Following My Dharma

2009-06-07T09:32:00.000-07:00

It's all coming clear to me now, exactly what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. My Dharma, or spiritual life path, is coming into focus on a daily basis. Here's what I've been discovering this week as we move into today's full moon in Sagittarius (truth, philosophy, higher learning, foreign cultures).

"Bringing harmony to the planet, one breath at a time." My Dharma is to spread the teachings of yoga, the union of body, mind and spirit. In so doing, I help people come into harmony within themselves. When someone is in harmony on the inside, they can be in harmony on the outside as well. It works for groups of people, too. Community groups, work groups, mom's groups, groups of people brought together for one reason or another. When they are in harmony, their families, communities, everyone is in harmony as well.

How I'm to spread this message of union, harmony, and peace, is though social networking. The big rage these days are the myriad social networking sites. Vehicles like You Tube, Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, Digg, Stumbled Upon, Delicious, etc., is what my guidance says the way to reach the most people with the least amount of effort. It's a way for my teachings to be easily conveyed. Instant connectivity, instant access and availability, and instant transmission of this information. It really is the Age of Aquarius, isn't it?! For the good of all, and at warp speed, no less.

I love it when a plan comes together! Stay tuned, and sign up! Go to the "Links" page on www.TheYogaWoman.com, then to "Social Media and YouTube." Send me a friend request and mention this blog!

Peace,

Debbie

Hyper-Dating

2009-06-06T17:56:00.001-07:00

How strange it is, the continuum upon which my dating level resides. It reminds me of the Tilt-A-Wheel ride at the carnival. It's either way up in the air, which its resultant stomach lift, or it's about to scrape the ground, sparks flying. Hot or cold, no in between.

Thanks to my meditation practice, I've cultivated the ability to step back from my life and become the observer. Instead of being caught up in the "living-ness" of life, I can watch it as if from the outside when I meditate. Generating an objective view of yourself is quite helpful. It lets you see your habitual patterns and decide if you'd like to keep them or not.

My habitual dating patterns have been changing lately. My guess is that's what's causing the wild "up" portion of this Tilt-A-Wheel ride I'm on. I thought I knew what I wanted (a serious, committed relationship), and now I know that I don't have a clue. I'm shifting in what I want. My view of who and what I'm looking for in a partner just got way bigger. Instead of, "He had to fit into this mold," I'm now able to meet people with the thought, "Let me see who this person is, what they're about, what are their hopes and dreams," like that. That's a huge shift by itself.

I say "Yes," more than I say, "No," these days. Not to everyone and everything, but I'm a lot more open to meeting new types of people than I had been, even in the recent past. There's been some weirdness (don't get me started on the ONE-MINUTE DATE!!), but for the most part, I've met some great guys.

Where can you change your habitual patterns in your life and get a different result? What can you begin saying "Yes," to, and open yourself up to new possibilities?

Peace,

Debbie

Integration

2009-05-19T07:18:00.000-07:00

The other day I wrote about broken mirrors and integrating our shadow side into the totality of our being. Here's what's emerging from the shadows in my dating practice.

I've been on a roll lately meeting all kinds of people, both potential romantic partners, business associates, and new friends. Lot's of different aspects of "me" showing up. My practice is to accept is aspect of me who shows up in the form or another person.

The questions I'm learning to ask myself when I meet people are:

1. How is this person like me?
2. What's there to like about this person?
3. Where am I judging him or her? Can I let it go?
4. What does this person need at this time?
5. How can I help them?
6. What are they showing me about myself, like it or not?
7. How can I love them unconditionally?

This type of interaction with people is new for me. It's not yet my habit. But since it's a practice, and I'm new at this, I'm going to cut myself some slack. One small step towards acceptance goes a long way.

What can you incorporate into your relationship practice? How can you begin to integrate all aspects of yourself into a whole being?

Peace,

Debbie

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Artwork "Simple" by Brian. Used with permission.

Amazing Grace

2009-05-15T11:05:00.001-07:00

At the end of my yoga classes, I usually chant during savasana (corpse pose or relaxation pose). The Sanskrit language is beautiful to begin with, and the room's acoustics add an ethereal quality to my voice.

Chanting is a way for my students to disconnect from their thinking mind. They are able to surrender into the NOW moment of their breath and be present with the sound, vibration and frequency. The objective of savasana is to observe the breath, nothing more.

As a rule I refrain from singing in English, simply because the students will listen to what I'm saying rather than relaxing and following their breath. I broke my rule the other day and sang in English. I sang "Amazing Grace," a favorite of mine. One of the ladies shared after class that it would have been her mother's birthday that day, and her name was Grace. Man! That's grace for you!

There's an element of grace that surrounds all of us. I'm realizing that everything we need is provided for us, at exactly the right time and in the right way, when we allow it. It may not be what we think we want. It may not show up just as we pictured it. And yet when we look back we see the wake that grace leaves in our lives.

When you do your affirmations, or ask the Universe for what you want, be sure to add a caveat: "with ease and grace." Grace goes before you and eases the way, so to speak. It's a great companion to have.

Peace, and of course, Grace,

Debbie

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Artwork "Thunderstorm_01" by Brian. Used with permission.
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Pluto Transits and Broken Mirrors

2009-04-27T07:52:00.000-07:00

Pluto moved into my partnership house recently when it took up residence in Capricorn. Transiting Pluto is the purifying dunk into destruction followed by a rebirth into a new, more true way of being. A Pluto transit is like experiencing an earthquake or volcano in whatever area of your life (house position) the transit occurs. That means that my old ways of approaching partnerships and relationships are changing dramatically, and its coming from deep within. It's my soul's wish that this be cleared at this time, so it's bringing it up.

When I first began writing this blog last summer I mentioned that we are all mirrors for each other, reflecting different aspects of ourselves. When we attempt to integrate ourselves into relationships, those things we don't like about ourselves, our shadow side, begins to show up as our reflection in the others behaviors. Really it's just parts of ourselves we're projecting onto someone else because we don't own it as being a part of us. It's in the shadows, remember, not in the light, so we can't see it. So we project it, thus putting the blame on them. It's really just putting the broken mirror back together again.

When we experience relationship trials and tribulations our shadow side is brought into the light to be healed. Like a frightened child defending it's small turf, it behaves badly, a reaction based on fear. It, too, seeks compassion, empathy, acknowledgment. But what shows up as we begin the reintegrate the parts of us we've kept hidden away? Why its our jealousy, insecurities, little white lies and half truths, manipulations, victim roll-playing, playing the martyr, games we play! Welcome to your SHADOW, folks! Step right up, best show in town! Writers out there, you know what I'm talking about. We seem to be more familiar than most with our shadow. Just look at Stephen King if you want to write about the shadow! Yikes!

In my Roots book I talk about living in a Drama Free Zone. Drama zaps us of our energy that could be used to create the life of our dreams. Drama free, huh? I obviously wasn't in a relationship or dating at the time I wrote that part! Is it me or does it seem like you can't escape drama when it comes to dating, sex, relationships, the push and pull of freedom/commitment? Maybe it's just me.

I'll soon be sharing with you the aspect of my shadow that's been coming up recently. I'm doing this in hopes that my being transparent and authentic will encourage you to do the same. If we disown parts of ourselves we will never become whole.

To wholeness!

Peace,

Debbie

An Aside:

Shamless plug for my donation-based astrological readings! If you want to know where Pluto is affecting your life at this time, let's take a look at your chart. You don't have to understand how it works, just listen for the message. Visit www.TheYogaWoman.com now to learn more. You'll be amazed! For real! (:^D

D.

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Artwork "Moon Tree" by Brian. Used with permission.
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The Power of the P.

2009-04-16T06:26:00.001-07:00

Today's post is on the Power of the P***y. It's time we woman wake up and realize exactly what it is we have between our legs and begin to utilize that power to transform not only ourselves and our partners, but the whole world.

There are differing levels of understanding this power, ranging from kindergarten level all the way to Ph.D.

In order to attend kindergarten, a woman must understand that she is in control when it comes to sex. By control I mean the basic ability to say "yes" or "no." The woman acts as the engineer on a train, the one who decides which track to take. Either the train is going all the way to the station, or it's being directed elsewhere at this time. If a woman is not aware of this power, or forgets it and says "yes" to every Tom, Dick and Harry that comes along, she fails kindergarten and goes back to being a toddler. Or maybe she understands that she's in control, but uses sex to control and manipulate her mate. This is a gross misuse of the Power of the P. Sex is meant to join together, not separate.

At the other end of the spectrum is the Ph.D. candidate. In order to graduate with a Pd.D. in the Power of the P., she must understand and be able to work with the deeply transformational power inherent within the sex act. This would be the Tantrica.

Controlling the creative force of kundalini and moving the energy up to the crown chakra is not for the faint of heart. But once you get a taste of it, you'll never be the same. It's like "regular" sex is black and white TV. Everybody loves black and white TV: they obsess about it, and try to get in as much time in front of the TV as possible. The Ph.D. candidate, however, is no longer satisfied with b&w TV. Like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, whose world went from black and white to Technicolor in the blink of an eye, when you've experienced Tantra, it changes everything. "Once you go Tantra, you never go back!"

Once she becomes selective about whom she lets into her Goddess Gate and uses that energy for something beyond mere physical gratification, a woman begins to own her true power. In doing so, she raises the vibration of the entire planet. Yes, we are that powerful.

My goal is to get a Ph.D. in the Power of the P. in this iteration of my souls' journey. If I had to rate myself on this continuum, I'd say I'm probably a freshman in high school. Not a newbie any more, but I've still got a long way to go.

Cheers to the Power of the P!! May we all come to know and experience what real sexual power is all about!

Debbie B.

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Artwork "Chakra Fire" by Brian. Used with permission.
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Radiating Energy

2009-04-15T10:11:00.000-07:00

We radiate energy, either
positive, attractive vibes,
or negative, repelling vibes.

Shimmering, iridescent,
luminous beings, gliding through time and space,
engaged in an elegant dance between dimensions.
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Debbie

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Artwork "Liquid Light Show a" by Brian. Used with permission.
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Relationship Vision

2009-04-13T16:01:00.000-07:00

I'm borrowing this list from a friend. This is what I'm looking for in a relationship:

Relationship Vision

We have a lot of freedom
There is balance of space and together time
Physically active and fit
Good communication
Settle our differences easily and equitably
Each contribute financially / emotionally / spiritually
Feel safe and can trust each other
Are like best friends
Have great sex together
Are both passionate about our work
Have personal time each day
Have "quality time" regularly
Support each other to be and grow as individuals
Have a healthy number of friends
Have a healthy balance of social time
Each encourages friendships as individuals and as a couple
Experience joy and laughter together
Are understanding of each other
Are willing to compromise at times
Maintain a sense of humor
Care about each others happiness
Take responsibility for our own happiness
Work on ourselves and our couple issues
Are committed to improving ourselves and our relationship over time

When I read this list I thought, "That's what I want, too!" I told my friend Paulo I was going to put his list on my blog, he said to be sure and let all my female readers know that he is currently available, should you be looking for the same things in a relationship! Check him out on Facebook: Paulo Mattioli.

Peace,

Debbie

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Artwork "Circle Juice" by Brian. Used with permission.

Jupiter Transits

2009-03-23T09:07:00.000-07:00

I just had an "ah ha!" moment! I was studying something in my horoscope when I came across this explanation for the apparent quantum leap in my popularity recently. It's all thanks to a Jupiter transit (a transit is what a planet, in this case Jupiter, is doing now in the heavens). Jupiter is the Guru, the Santa Clause, the Expander-of-Everything-He-Touches, the Cornucopia.

What Jupiter is doing now it joining up with my progressed Moon (progressed meaning current life situation vs. birth chart). A quick Google search turned up this from CafeAstrology.com:

Jupiter-Moon Transits

Jupiter transits to the Moon directly affect the feelings, the public image, and personal popularity. During these transits, you are especially aware of what you need to feel secure. You may tend towards self-indulgence, and you may encounter issues surrounding your need to commit versus your need to be free (Ha! See earlier post on Freedom and Commitment). Problems from your past may re-surface. You are likely to want to improve your domestic affairs and relationships.

Jupiter transits conjunct Moon

This is a friendly transit period when you may find yourself more amiable and personally popular.

http://www.cafeastrology.com/jupitertransits.html

I have a Cancer Ascendant or Rising Sign, so this transit is in my first house or the House of Self. That would mean my sense of self is expanding (Jupiter), and there's emotion (moon) tied in as well. I agree with that. I feel more love right now than ever before, both within and without. It comes from everywhere. Interesting...

I love it when I can figure something out about myself through Astrology! It rocks!

Astrologically yours,

Debbie

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Artwork "Pink Tourmaline" by Brian. Used with permission.
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Reader Feedback on Dating Advice for Guys!

2009-03-21T08:18:00.000-07:00

The following is a response from Jack, a friend of mine in Dallas I've known for 20 years or so. Within the past eight years since I started my speaking / yoga business, with a stint in 2003 going on the road to promote Brian Tracy sales training, Jack and I have had a lot of sales conversations. He's the first person to tell me about the "he who speaks first, loses" concept. When I'm in a negotiation, if I choose to, I can go into a meditative state at-will, eyes open, become totally still and present, with just a slight smile on my face. I allow myself to be open to whatever comes, with no attachment. It works!

And when I wrote, "to all of you who think my dating life is so glamorous," I was remembering our lunch conversations way back when in the 80's and 90's, as he followed my dating adventures during that time. It was a wile ride; I've mellowed so much since then! Jack was one of the many people who told me I should write a book. I'm writing this blog instead. NOTE: Just to clarify, it's not to say that Jack's marriage is boring; that part of the sentence was a composite.

Here's Jack's response to "Dating Advice for Guys:"

3/21/09

Debbie,

I wouldn't think "dating" is glamorous, but I do the same thing in a way in my job. I am continuously "courting" prospects and asking them for a "date" (meeting)...with the ultimate goal of getting "married" (hired), and hoping to not get screwed in the process!! ha ha

Seriously, you are just a very special woman, and I know that the man you decide to 'date" will be very lucky indeed.

Just remember to ask more questions ahead of time..think of it as a prospect, and the more questions you ask, the better your "presentation" will be...if you even decide they deserve one!

I do enjoy reading your blog...I learn more about you every time.

Jack

I love Jack's sales and dating analogy as I've thought that same thing my self before. I think it would make a great workshop! Asking questions is always a good thing; it shows you're listening and interested, which generates rapport. Whether you're in sales or are looking for a date/mate, rapport is extremely important. So ask questions and listen instead of talking about yourself all the time. The other person will definitely appreciate it, and like you more because of it!

It was also nice of Jack to write those kind words. Awwwwwww...!! I'm "special" all right! Just ask my family! On second thought, no, don't!

Peace,

Debbie

Dating Advice for Guys

2009-03-19T20:48:00.000-07:00

Here's some dating advice for guys. Ladies, read along and see if you've had any of these things happen to you. If not, you're still in for a good laugh! The sad thing is I'm not making this up. These were my experiences this week with two different guys.

1. Guys, if you're calling a woman for the first time, it's not a good idea to call drunk. Bad enough to begin with, but if it's only 8:00 p.m. on a Thursday night and you're already two sheets to the wind, let's just say it doesn't make a good first impression.

2. If you're going to ask a woman out, ask her out! Don't beat around the bush. None of this mamby pamby "If you don't have anything better to do on Friday night, if you're not already busy, which I'm sure you are, but you're local and so I thought I would try." What the hell is that? If I say "yes," is that like admitting I have nothing better to do?

3. When said woman tries to give you advice (see #1 above), it's not very classy to hang up on her. And thinking you can write an e-mail to clear things up and try again isn't going to cut it.

4. Let's say you've gotten over hurdles 1-3 above, you meet at the requisite Starbucks, and you set a date for the coming weekend. Your new friend tells you she is leaving that day to go out of town for a few days. Refrain from calling and texting multiple times over the next 12 hours and becoming incensed when she doesn't get back to you right away (she's out of town, remember?). Becoming possessive and demanding within 12 hours of meeting is not a way to win her heart.

5. When she does call you back, it's probably not a good idea to diss her hobby of choice. To tell her that playing hand drums is not "real" drumming, and you're a "real" drummer and your form of drumming is way superior to her form, doesn't win you many points.

6. When the day of said date comes, don't call her late that afternoon and tell her, "Oh, by the way, I don't have a car anymore. If you want you can drive down to San Clemente (about 45 minutes away) and get me. I'll have another car tomorrow so we can wait till then if you want." Uh, right. Probably not.

So there you have it. For all you out there that have the idea that my dating life is so glamorous and it must be better than the boring marriage you are in, this is what I go through. Not so glamorous, is it? And yet, I keep plugging away. I know there are guys out there that are decent, kind, polite, and emotionally available for a relationship. One of these days, I'm going to meet one of them and it's gonig to click. And I guarantee you he won't be slurring his words!

Peace,

Debbie

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Artwork "Elf" by Brian. Used with permission.
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Freedom and Commitment

2009-03-17T21:26:00.001-07:00

Here's something I've been turning about in my head for a few weeks now. How can I create a relationship where I can maintain my freedom, yet do so in the boundaries of a "committed" relationship? I was tempted to write freedom "vs." commitment, but chose to write "and" instead. Is it possible to have both FREEDOM and COMMITMENT in the same relationship?

Since we're just making this up, why not make it up the way we want it to be? I've always held unconventional views of relationships. I think it would be cool to have a duplex, and have my partner live on one side and I'll live on the other. That way we can each have our space and yet still be together on a regular basis.

Dual living arrangements aside, here's another duality I've found within myself that I'm working on. It would seem that I have a double standard. "Who, me, have a double standard?" she says with an astonished look! Yes, me.

Here's the deal: I want to be able to experience people for who they are, and allow whatever comes up to come up. Now I'm not saying I'm being sexual with these people or being promiscuous. I'm not. But explaining these interactions to the one you love... I don't have words. And here comes the double standard. I don't want them to have the same freedom. Isn't that selfish of me? What should I do about that? What's a different possibility I can create instead of this double standard one? Anyone? Anyone?

It would seem that the traditional model of "relationship" needs to morph somehow. I'm not sure how; I guess when I need to know I will. In the meantime, I'm open to inquiry. Just allowing the space for what's right for me, what I need to learn, who I need to meet to show up at this time creates a vibration within the morphic field. Let's see who/what shows up!

Namaste,

Debbie

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Artwork by Brian. Used with permission.
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Being in the Flow

2009-03-15T07:51:00.000-07:00

There's something magical that happens when you let go of trying to control things and allow the Divine to work through you. I've been experiencing this phenomenon of flow for about a month and a half now, and I have to tell you, it rocks!

Eight years ago when I started my business I named it Conscious Flow. It's taken me eight years to actually get in the flow. I could make all kinds of judgments about that, like, "Geez, I sure am slow!," or "What took me so long?". Or I could take the view that it ONLY took me eight years, some people never get it. Or I wasn't ready then, and I am now. Who knows why things happen when they do; time is relative anyway. The important thing is to notice the shift.

My current experience of life is that of one big roller coaster ride. I love roller coasters; the scarier the better! There's the exhilaration, the anticipation of the precipitous drop, it's lift giving wings to your stomach as it soars skyward. The twists, the turns, the loops and switchbacks, screaming your lungs out the whole time. What a release!

That's what life is like for me right now. It's thrilling, scary and fun all at the same time. I now know what it means to really be in joy. I thought I knew before, but now I really do. I can live the experience of joy just by letting go, letting God, letting LIFE live through me without me having to be in charge. Do you know how much energy that frees up? A tremendous amount! And that energy can be directed back into making a joy-filled life, like investing your energy capital in a future now "you."

Ishvara Pranidhana

Ishvara Pranidhana (Google it) is one of the five niyamas or inner practices in yogic philosophy. It means to surrender all you do to the Divine, with no expectation of anything in return. Doing for the joy of doing, that's it. No worrying about getting paid, keeping tabs, who owes what, just doing whatever it is you're doing to the Universe. I'm at a point in my life where I can do that, and it works. Believe it or not, it does. Baby steps are all you need to take.

And don't forget to breath. That's the most important part of surrendering, is to be able to relax into the breath.

Peace and Joy!,

Debbie

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Artwork "Dream's Life Circle" by Brian. Used with permission.
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Numeroscope

2009-03-14T04:39:00.000-07:00

Here's my numeroscope for the day. It talks about practice, and the attraction of radiating joy.

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Good Morning Debbie,

Here is your Daily Numeroscope for March 14.

You are in a 9 personal year, a 3 personal month and an 8 personal day.

General daily trend: Your confidence can soar when you rise above petty details. Frame your ambitions within your ideals, but give yourself the leeway to practice. Don't demand immediate perfection.

Business and finance: One key to mastering the physical realm is to keep a feeling of joy. With positive emotions you raise your vibrational level, which attracts good luck to you.

Relationships and social: Keep your social activity at a sophisticated level without becoming stodgy. Have fun, but maintain your dignity.

*** Daily Numeroscopes are written by Daniel R. Hardt. For subscription information, click here: http://lifepathnum.com

The reason I post this is to highlight how the Universe sends us messages of support along the way. It's confirmation to me that I'm doing/being the right things, not having too high ideals and perfectionism, being in joy, not getting too serious. All good!

Debbie

Tantra and Union with the Divine

2009-03-08T12:31:00.000-07:00

I'm on a spiritual path. We all are, actually, but many of us don't know it. My path is different from most in that I want to include my spirituality in all aspects of my life, including sex and relationships.

Combining sex and spirituality could be considered heresy to some thanks to our Puritanical forefathers. But really, what better way to achieve union (yoga) with the Divine than through merging with another? Why not engage in sacred sex? Which brings us to Tantra yoga.

When you say "Tantra yoga," many people respond with, "that's the yoga of sex." Yes and no. The point of Tantra is to experience the balance of masculine/feminine, Shiva/Shakti, yin/yang. Sex can be a vehicle for experiencing that balance, but it's not the only way.

A differences between what I call "Western" sex and Tantric sex is that Tantric sex is not goal oriented. Western sex is about achieving the goal of orgasm. Tantric sex is about the give and take of sharing pleasure with your partner, with or without orgasm, and moving the creative energy of kundalini shakti up through the chakras in order to experience Divine bliss or samadhi.

This is done through ritual, breathing exercises, certain positions and subtle, rather than overt, movements. It's really a completely different mindset, and the effects are very powerful. For one thing, it energizes both partners rather than making them fall asleep afterward. Tantra provides a profound experience of merging with another at a soul level. That merging spills into every aspect of your life, allowing you to see your connection to everything.

Call me old fashioned, but I think we as a society treat sex way too casually. We don't consider the consequences of our actions when we engage in casual sex. When we sleep with someone, an energetic connection is created that can have a long term effect on our psyche. If we understood the spiritual implications of sex, it would seem that we would think twice before we decide to randomly merge our life force with another.

If we want to experience heaven on Earth, it's necessary to combine our spirituality with our sexuality. Begin researching and practicing Tantra. You'll be glad you did, and your partner will thank you, too! (;^D

Peace,

Debbie

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Artwork "Rainbow Energy Kundalini" by Brian. Used with permission.
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Sending Luv

2009-03-05T03:07:00.000-08:00

This site that I'm currently on, www.Tagged.com, has this cute feature where you can send "Luv" with a little heart to up to three people per day. I'd sent a few Luv's here and there, but certainly haven't used up my three per day.

Yesterday I decided to give my Luv away and sent my three little hearts. When I got home from teaching yoga, my in-box was filled with little Luv hearts, winks, messages, friend requests, all kinds of things. Only one was a return Luv from someone that I'd sent it to. It just goes to show that the Universe will return to you what you send out, and then some. It's called karma. It may or may not come from the person you sent it to, but it will come back.

I also got to thinking, "Why am I hoarding my Luv? Why don't I send out my three Luv's every day?" So I'm going to start sharing my Luv (and love) on a regular basis.

The moral of the story is don't hoard your Luv; give it away! It will come back to you; I promise.

Deb B.

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Artword "Orange Flow" by Brian. Used with permission.
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Being on the Receiving End

2009-03-05T02:41:00.000-08:00

I've written here about how I've had difficulty in the past with allowing myself to be vulnerable and authentic. I was afraid that people would think less of me somehow. Yesterday I had the experience of being on the receiving end of someone being vulnerable. And I have to say, it was very touching. I don't think less of my friend for opening up to me, I think more of him.

He shared with me some struggles and frustrations he was facing, to the point of tears. My heart went out to him, and I was filled with compassion and empathy. It made me feel special that he trusted me enough to allow me to see this side of him. Not many guys are willing to do that, so he obviously has a lot of courage.

I'm starting to get it. When we pretend that we've got it all together and that we're "all that," it's just an act. It's not the truth and it comes across as a lack of integrity. So when I let go of the act and and let people see the real me, it comes across as just that, real. There's way too much that's fake in the world, I sure don't need to add to it. I'm also allowing the people I share with access to their own heart space, to their own inner wellsprings of compassion and empathy.

So go ahead. Stick your toe in the water and try being vulnerable with someone you trust. Yes, it takes courage. Yes, it may backfire. But think of what a gift you are giving them. The gift of the real you. What can be better than that?

Peace,

Debbie

The Energy of Attraction

2009-03-02T13:15:00.000-08:00

I was thinking about what changed recently to increase my attraction level. I'm not talking about physical attraction, but energetically. I think I may have it figured out, at least for this go-round.

About a month ago I got laid off from my "real job" as an executive assistant. I'd been unhappy working there for quite awhile. After I got let go, everything in my life changed for the better.

Opportunities for yoga, speaking, free retreats to Mexico, and event promotion work started coming to me on their own. Guys on the street would stop me to talk to me (that never happens!). Guys on the latest Internet site I'm on (www.Tagged.com) started coming out in droves. What changed? I did.

I'm once again loving life. I'm excited about what the future holds and the possibilities inherent within it. I get to do what I love to do (teach more yoga, healing work, speaking, networking). My guess is that the joie de vivre I am experience is sending out a vibration to the Cosmos that is attractive. When I was wallowing in misery in my job, and unwilling to do anything about it, I was resigned to "the way it is." It sent out a negative vibe that others picked up on. Now I'm back to being happy again with my life, and consequently, I'm back to being "hot."

So the lesson is, be happy or do something about it! Whatever area of your life that you are unhappy with is having an effect on every other area of your life.

Have you had this experience yourself? Have you noticed things in your life that effect your happiness and, in turn, your attractiveness level? Let me hear from you.

Peace,

Debbie

Blind dates, Spirituality

2009-02-28T12:59:00.000-08:00

All right, all right; I’ll start updating this blog again. Many of you wrote to ask what happened to it. What happened was I wasn’t dating! Remember that concept of hot and cold I talked about in a previous blog? Well, I was on a long “cold” spell for awhile there. The winds have shifted, however, and now I’m back to being at least semi “hot.” Who knows why!

Had a blind date last night. I haven’t been on one of those in years. Now I remember why! He was a nice-enough guy, just not my type. Not into the spiritual side of things at all! Which was surprising, because the woman who did the fixing-up said he was spiritual. That seems to be my biggest challenge, meeting someone with whom I can have that spiritual connection.

And I’m not talking about your average, run-of-the mill-spirituality either. Oh, no. I’m picky about everything else, you think I’m not going to be picky about that, too? ForGET about it! It can’t be average Joe, westernized, dogma-filled spiritual. It has to be Eastern-based, metaphysical, higher consciousness, Quantum physics kind of spiritual. Know any guys like that around here? If you do, let me know, but please, no blind dates!

Peace,

Debbie

New Look

2008-09-06T08:31:00.000-07:00

I saw a friend of mine last night that I haven't seen for a few months. He commented on how I looked different, and not just my new hair cut. He said that I looked softer, with an "innocence" about me. My demeanor was different, the way I carried myself, the whole thing. And I had a sparkle in my eye that was not there before. His comment was, "There's less yoga, more Debbie." Wow! This allowing myself to be vulnerable and authentic stuff is working! Good to know.

Doing Things Differently

2008-09-01T12:44:00.000-07:00

They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I realize that in my dating practice, if I want a different result, I have to do things differently.

Our homework for the Landmark Sex and Intimacy class this week is to look at our "rackets," or the things that are our persistent complaint or fixed way of being. One of my fixed ways of being is that I don't initiate contact. I wait for the guy to ask me out or send an e-mail if it's from the on-line dating site. Well, that way of being isn't getting me the results I want (dates), so I've started initiating contact.

I've learned that the Universe responds favorably to any step, no matter how tiny, you take. I sent out a couple of e-mails to some of the guys who had viewed my profile on the Fitness Singles website. And I've viewed a bunch of guy's profiles, something I don't normally do, which is a form of contact in and of itself. It seems that when I put myself out there and take a chance, it comes back to me from all quarters. Not long ago I had a date with a guy I initiated contact with and it went well. I've been meeting guys though other avenues as well, which, in the past, didn't happen very often. I'm learning that doing things differently and taking risks is a good thing. It show up in how I'm being with people, too.

This past weekend a girlfriend and I went out. We're both Leo's, so we're both strong women. A guy that was chatting with us commented that my friend comes across as strong and masculine, while I come across as strong, yet softer and feminine. We laughed because she and I were talking about that exact thing earlier in the evening. In the past I've been told I'm too strong, too independent, and too intimidating. His comment was evidence that by allowing myself to be vulnerable and take risks, it changes how people perceive me.

Here's to risk taking and being vulnerable!

Dancing in High Heels

2008-08-27T07:47:00.001-07:00

In a previous post I talked my efforts to be more feminine by purchasing a pair of high heels. I've tried them out in public a couple of times now, and I haven't made a fool of myself!

Last weekend I went to Laguna Beach with some friends. Laguna is hilly, and my first challenge was being able to walk downhill without pitching forward. "Hold on to me, y'all! I'm fixin' to fall down this hill!" We made it safely to The White House, a restaurant/lounge, without incident.

After dinner came dancing. A sign on the wall read "No bare feet." Great. I'm stuck with these 5 inchers on my feet all night if I want to dance. It was a whole different experience dancing in a club with high heels vs. barefoot on the beach around a fire in a drum circle. I had to tone down my moves quite a bit so I wouldn't keel over. I managed to stay upright all night and have a good time in the process.

This learning to be feminine is certainly a process. When you've been a tom boy for 40 some odd years it takes awhile to change. Little by little....

High Heels

2008-08-18T06:23:00.000-07:00

In an attempt to be more "girly," I bought a pair of Steve Madden peep toe platform high heels pumps over the weekend. To fully understand the impact of this purchase, let me paint you a picture.

I'm a yoga teacher, so my feet are sacred. They are my main connection to Mother Earth. My motto is, "If the feet ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" That being said, I wear comfortable shoes. namely, Earth shoes. Remember Earth shoes from the '70's? Yeah, those, but in sandal form. They're actually pretty cute for Earth shoes, but they are Earth shoes, none the less. Negative heel technology and all that (www.earth.us).

High heels, then, would be on the complete opposite end of the spectrum for me. As I wobbled around the shoe store I felt like a little girl first learning to walk in "big girl" shoes. I bought them on the spot.

I practiced walking around my apartment, which is normally a no-shoe zone. These had not been outside yet, so it was okay. I noticed that with an additional 5" to my normal 5' 4" frame, making me 5'9", I can now see things from a different perspective. I see dirt where I'm usually not tall enough to notice! Get out the step ladder and cleaning supplies!

Like my yoga practice, walking in high heels has been a practice in balance, posture, and form, while simultaneously stretching. I'm basically balancing on the ball of my foot, which gives my calves an intense stretch. Hey, I'm getting a workout while I walk!

The platform underneath the ball of my foot seems steady enough, but the 5" stacked heels with the tiny little point, forget it! I find I have to be very conscious of how I stand, move, walk, etc., so I don't fall over or trip. Miss Coordination!

My new shoes made their public debut Sunday night on a trip to Trader Joe's grocery store. I'm normally a fast walker. I like to get to where I'm going. Practicing walking in my new high heels, however, forces me to slow down. Walking into the store my mantra was, "Heel, toe. Heel, toe. Heel, toe. Slow down! Not so fast! You can do this."

Wouldn't you know it, I would get get the cart with a mind of it's own. My high heels allowed little traction while trying to get a wayward cart to go in the direction I wanted it to. I don't know that wrestling with a grocery cart qualifies as being "girly," but hey, I was trying. I looked GOOD while I was wrestling that cart! LOL!

I'll let you know how the shoes go over when they make a real public debut, one a little bigger than Trader Joe's.

Peace to the Feet!

Debbie

Drumming under the Full Moon Energy

2008-08-18T05:36:00.000-07:00

The two week solar/lunar eclipse gateway closed Saturday night with a full Moon in Aquarius, the sign of the humanitarian and the future. I celebrated the event by doing some of my favorite things.

Saturday was a typically sunny, beautiful So Cal day. It was a pleasant drive down PCH (Pacific Coast Highway), through Newport Beach, then Laguna Beach. Full on summer by the sea, people, cars, everywhere. Past Laguna's famous Main Beach at PCH and Broadway, on down to South Laguna to Aliso Beach, for the full Moon drum circle, pot luck BBQ.

I got to eat, drum, dance, and be in community with about 200 people or so. Some fantastic drummers, amazing dancers, people of all ages and cultures, lots of families, all added their spirit to the circle. It was a blast!

Something magical happens when I turn off the "what-will-people-think-of-me?" voice inside my head and just express myself, in whatever form it wants to show up in. Freedom. When I'm giving visual expression to whatever rhythm or beat I hear through dance, the drummers "see" their music expressed in physical form. Other people begin to find expression though dance as well. The drummers take it up a notch, again and again. Or when I'm on the bass drums, pounding out the beat and holding it steady. Entrainment occurs, everyone in rhythm with each other. It's pretty cool! (:^D

I hope you took the time these past two weeks to get clear on what you want in your life, relationships, finance, etc. The starting gun has sounded, the race has begun. Here's to great starts! Cheers!

Peace,

Debbie

Hot and Cold

2008-08-15T06:48:00.000-07:00

Why is it, when it comes to dating, I'm either hot or cold? My phone/e-mail/text/chance meeting level is either sky high, or it's the driest desert for weeks on end. What's up with that?

I've noticed this phenomenon for years. I've found I'm usually in one of two extremes: "Hot," where I've got a very active social life, with requests for dates, lots of e-mails, text messages, phone calls, etc. And it's usually when I've gotten clear on what I want. It begins to show up, and from every angle!

Then on the opposite end of the spectrum is what I call being "Cold." No phone calls, e-mails, social invitations, romantic endeavors, like that. I don't have a clue as to what changes, but obviously something does.

Must be my Gemini Moon and Mars! Duality is a strong theme in my life.

My theory on how this hot/cold phenomenon works is that since everything is vibration, once we become "attractive," an attractive vibration is sent throughout the time/space matrix. People are way more sensitive to vibration than we realize, and so we intuit movement of energy. It's like a light goes on in the midst of darkness and suddenly becomes a focal point.

And then something happens, I have yet to figure out what. But it starts to slow down, and eventually stop all together. Just like that.

I call it riding the wave. When it's hot I ride that high part of the wave and I'm out there meeting people and experiencing life externally.

And when I'm cold I get to enjoy a more internal, solitary existence (Life Path 7 in numerology, and a 7 in the Enneagram). I have a chance to be more introspective and to myself.

I enjoy both. I'm working on evening it out, though for a smoother ride. Let the pendulum come closer to the center for awhile. And so it is.

Peace,

Debbie

Full Moon Lunar Eclipse

2008-08-15T06:40:00.001-07:00

In an earlier post I wrote about the Solar Eclipse and how the two weeks to come were a vortex into new possibilities. The galactic gateway is about to close as the Aquarius Full Moon Lunar Eclipse occurs tomorrow, Saturday, August 16th.

Now's the time to decide how you want life to be. What do you really value? How do you want your finances to be? Your relationships? Your health? Your career or job? Your family? Your creative outlets/art? Your community? Your impact on the world? Choose now, and be satisfied with your choosing.

Know that there is nothing wrong here. If it's not how you want it to be, simply choose again.

And breathe! Don't forget that one.

Peace,

Debbie

Holding the Space for Love, Romance, and Passion

2008-08-14T06:16:00.000-07:00

As I was journaling this morning (Root 6: Morning Pages, 3 handwritten pages daily of unedited, stream of consciousness writing), I realized something. All these guys that contact me on this fitness dating site, and the guys I come into contact in my everyday life, all want the same thing. It's what everyone wants, whether we realize it or not. Bottom line: We all want to love and be loved.

If that's the case, why do we make it so hard to be, do, have just that? We're just weird like that, I guess! I thought, "What can I do to help these guys find what they are looking for, regardless of whether or not I'm included in that picture?"

"I can hold the space for them," I thought. Be the clearing for their transformation in the areas of love, romance, passion and great sex. Be the space for the possibilities to be present in their lives such that they move, touch and inspire everyone with whom they come into contact.

Into that space I bring the alignment of body, mind and spirit (yoga). My being in alignment automatically brings others into alignment. When your body, mind and spirit are joined in union (yoga), you are able to manifest your heart's desires.

To love and be loved. Keep in mind that that's pretty much what everybody is looking for. Come from a place of love today.

Peace and Love!

Debbie

Profile from Fitness-Singles.com Dating Site

2008-08-10T14:21:00.000-07:00

As mentioned in previous posts, I'm on this fitness dating website. The following is what I say about myself. If nothing else, it makes for an entertaining read! LOL!

About me:

Yoga teacher looking for partner in yoga, fun and adventure. Please get that yoga is a lifestyle for me and not just an exercise. So if yoga isn't your thing, you've been warned! (:^D

Spirituality is important to me, along with a sense of humor and an easy-going attitude. I love music of all kinds, dancing, drum circles on the beach, travel, personal development, Feng Shui, and deep conversations about things that matter. I'm a free spirit, an artist, a writer, and eternal student. I'm told I'm real, whatever that means! Maybe because I'm a Texas girl from Dallas, and not an OC girl.

I'm told I'm Bohemian, and a metaphysician, both true. It's also true that I have a corporate job as an executive assistant for a Dharmic company. I teach Vinyasa Flow yoga three times a week. Think East meets West, like when the Beatles met Yoga in the '60's. *Unique,* *different,* *dances to the beat of her own drummer,* are some other things people say about me.

As an amateur astrologer, I'll want to see your chart, not to do a reading, but for my own benefit. Not saying you have to understand it, just be open to it. If you're a non-believer in Astrology, please don't inquire here. Thank you.

As a starting point, I'm looking for us to at least be in the same section of the bookstore as far as spirituality, values, and a positive outlook on life. Eventually we would be in the same book, then on the same page. I'm looking for that elusive chemistry in body, mind and spirit. Need to have all three for there to be a match, and it would need to be mutual.

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA LOCALS ONLY PLEASE!! I'm not into long distance relationships. If you disregard this request, don't expect a response. I'm not looking for an internet, e-mail relationship, but one in real time, face-to-face on a regular basis. Preferably close to Huntington Beach.

My intention is to find a romantic partner with whom I can share my amazing life. The possibilities I'm creating for myself and my life this year include the possibility of being: *loving* *accepting* *compassionate* and *peaceful.* I'm looking for someone with whom to explore these practices.

A foundation of friendship is important, so be prepared to go slowly. I'm in no hurry, well, not much anyway! (;^D

Good luck in your search.

Namaste

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

And there you have it, folks! That's what I'm posting to the Universe as far as who I am and what I'm looking for in a relationship. Your thoughts, insights and comments are welcome.

Debbie

Intimacy

2008-08-09T07:47:00.000-07:00

Our Sex and Intimacy homework this week consists of answering these questions: What does intimacy mean to you? What does it evoke? What does it elicit in your thinking? What issues come up for you?

Loaded questions, to be sure! Before taking this class, I thought you could only be intimate with a few people. I've since learned that you can be intimate with anyone. It's simply being authentic, and letting them see the real you. "In-to-me-I-see" is how someone described intimacy.

To me intimacy means allowing someone to get close to you, something I've been afraid of in the past. As I'm exploring this territory, it's not so scary after all. It's actually quite freeing. When you drop the pretense and stop pretending, it frees up a lot of energy.

Who knows where this fear comes from, what caused it, why I've had it for so long. None of that matters. What does matter is that I'm moving forward, taking action to create a new possibility in my life. One that moves, touches and inspires me and others that I meet.

Rather than coming from a place of fear, I can now come from a place of love. Rather than putting up walls to keep people out, I can now allow the walls to drop and let me see the real me. Will I get hurt again? Probably. And that's okay. I'm out there and I'm being intimate with people that I meet, and it's been great so far.

What are your thoughts on intimacy? Please share.

Fear of Committment

2008-08-04T12:31:00.001-07:00

Good day, All,

I received a comment from a long time friend of mine, Jack M. He'd read my blog posts and commented that it seems as if I had a fear of commitment. He wondered if I'd been hurt in the past or how exactly that came about.

Good question, Jack. Yes, there is definitely a fear of commitment present. Is there a 12 step group for that? "Hi, I'm Debbie, and I'm a commitment-phoebe!" Maybe I should start one.

To answer your question about being hurt: Yes...and who hasn't? Some of us internalize that hurt differently, it would seem. Some of us build walls around our hearts, then turn them into heavily fortified castles with imposing motes. That would be me. This conscious dating practice and blog are my ways of letting down the draw bridge.

My coach Nahid said on our call today, "The more vulnerable and open you are, the less you get hurt." I'm finding that to be true. Allowing the walls to come down and let people in has been a slow process for me. Baby steps.

I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who are also afraid of commitment. How does it show up for you? What are the signs? How's that working for you? (;^D

I'll be sharing how it shows up for me in future posts.

Comments welcome.

Peace,

Debbie

Sex & Intimacy Seminar

2008-08-03T06:42:00.000-07:00

Since I'm into personal development, and I'm into figuring out why I have not been in a serious, committed relationship in over 5 years, I signed up for this class. It's through Landmark Education (www.landmarkeducation.com), and the title is, "Sex and Intimacy." Now I don't know about you, but when I heard that title, all sorts of questions popped up in my mind! LOL!

I've learned that its quite the loaded topic for all of us. Nobody escapes getting messed up in the head, heart and loins when it comes to sex and intimacy. I admit it takes a lot of courage to dive into this topic. It brings up all kinds of things we rather not talk about much less discuss publicly in a seminar!

Or better yet, on a blog, to share with the world. Hey, I learn by teaching. So if you learn something from my trials, tribulations, and insights, all the better. That means I'm one step closer to fulfilling my dharma, or spiritual life path, as a teacher. Who better to experiment on than myself?

Background of my dating practice at this time:

1. Put the distinctions I've learned through the Landmark technology, this way of being, into play in the world. It's one thing to talk about how you "be" in relationship in a seminar setting. It's a completely different story when it comes to real life, where the rubber meets the road.

2. I'm interested in transformation from the level of being in how I show up for romantic relationships. Am I showing up as loving, accepting and compassionate, or am I being judgmental, critical, and controlling? Both, probably, all at the same time! (:^D

3. How does yoga show up in my life? How is it received by others? How is it being presented? What is the response? Is there continuity? Am I being who I say I'm the possibility of, the alignment of body, mind and spirit? How do I stand in the presence of disbelief, or scorn, at what I know to be true about yoga, and not go into judgment at what it means? "What does it mean? What does it mean?"

4. Is there a fellow yogi out there with whom I can connect and intermingle our paths to transform the world?

5. How do these roots of spiritual practice that I wrote about in my book (www.DeepRootsJuicyFruit.com) affect my daily life? What are the insights available to me? How exactly do they work? How can I use them more than I already am?

Stay tuned as I answer these questions and more! Please feel free to comment on anything that touched, moved, inspired, or pissed you off about what I said. Let's create a dialog.

Peace,

Debbie

Total Eclipse of the Heart

2008-08-01T05:35:00.000-07:00

Morning Pages 8/1/08 5:00 a.m. p.1

There was a total solar eclipse about two hours ago. This is supposed to be a gateway or opening into another dimension. That opening closes on August 16th at the Lunar eclipse. This gateway acts as a clearing, a chance to let go of that which no longer serves us.

It feels like I need to get clear on what my values are at this time, whether in dating or just for my life in general. What's really important? What are the non-negotiables? What exactly do I want? Who do I want to BE?

I want to BE someone who is peaceful, calm and centered. I want to be someone who is loving, accepting, and compassionate. I want to be someone who is a stand for integrity, creating from a clear field of possibility in each moment. I want to BE yoga. And so it is.

p. 2

What do I have to let go of first? Fear of allowing someone to get close to me. Fear of what I'll see reflected back to me. Fear of not being in control.

Let's think about that for a moment, because that showed up big time in my most recent dating adventure, this control issue I seem to have. To me, being "out of control" equals "getting hurt." An out of control skier lands in the hospital. Nobody wants that! That's why fear comes up and stops us when presented with an opportunity to let go of control. That's where the Roots come in handy.

Being able to breathe (Root 1: Breathe) into the fear, notice it, acknowledge it, and allow it to pass of its own accord. Then being able to journal (Root 6: Journaling) about it to find the lesson and the message to myself. It came loud and clear (see yesterday's posts on mirrors)! I'm sharing with you through this blog the fruit of these practices, my insights into myself, and the human condition.

p. 3

It's time for me to come out of hiding and let people see who I am, warts and all. It seems that the more you show your humanity, the more people love you for it.

Being intimate is simply being authentic, not pretending anything. By being open with the Universe known as the Internet, I am allowing myself to be seen. To be vulnerable. To be open, regardless of the consequences.

I've got to admit that what I just wrote scares the crap out of me. For real. That's how we can learn to "BE" with it all, through the Roots, especially the breath. Breathe past the fear, anxiety, nervousness. Relax into the flow of the breath and let things take their course.

What can you let go of in your life at this time? What's holding you back? Consider letting it go. Create a space for clearing away the old to make room for the new. You've got till the lunar eclipse on August 16th!

Namaste,

Debbie

(Let me hear from you...feedback, comments, suggestions welcome.)

Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall!

2008-07-31T18:01:00.000-07:00

A month ago I signed up for an on-line dating site, www.fitness-singles.com. I was hoping to at least get my ROI on my $30 investment by month end. Well, I have! I've met some interesting men, and it's given me a chance to practice being in relationship.

What I've seen first hand is just how much everyone we meet is our mirror. I've known for awhile that whatever you see in someone else, you have it in you, or you wouldn't be able to see it. Nowhere is this mirror more present than in our relationships! Right in front of your face, deal with it or else!

It's funny how when you first meet someone and interact with them, people will show you one side of themselves. Given enough time, whole different side is revealed if you're paying attention. At first this new person comes across as charming, affectionate, considerate, and open. Since we're mirrors, those must be traits I have within myself. Yeah, me!

And then the other face is reveled with the following traits: arrogance, narcissism, self-absorption, criticism, negativity, sarcasm, and talking bad about others. Oh, my! That doesn't mean I have those traits, too, does it? Well, actually, yes! Doh!

No wonder I run from relationships! Who wants to look at all THAT stuff in ourselves? Better to keep it shoved in the back of the closet, hoping no one will find out.

Stay tuned for further updates on looking in the mirror of relationships. Feel free to post comments.

Debbie

Welcome to the Practice!

2008-07-31T12:39:00.000-07:00

Hello, all,

Welcome to my new blog on how the practices laid out in "The Deeper the Roots, the Juicier the Fruits! 8 Spiritual Practices for a Juicy Life" play out in real life. This particular blog revolves around how to apply these practices to my dating life. I'm learning how to apply spiritual principles like unconditional love, peacefulness, acceptance and compassion to myself and those with whom I come into contact on a regular basis.

As a single woman in Orange County, CA, I get plenty of opportunities to practice the following: being present, allowing someone else's' "be-ingness" without judgment, criticism, or complaint, noticing how I show up in relationship, what am I hiding, what am I afraid of, what the almost certain future of my relationships unless I change? All these things and more will be explored here!

Join me for what is sure to be a wild ride! Subscribe now to this blog and get regular updates.

Namaste,

Debbie Barnett